


Hold Me and Never Let Go

by Anonymous



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Geno keeps him warm, M/M, Maybe Ill add to this story later..., Pre-slash? I guess??, Sid is feeling a little touch starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 20:10:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11858811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Sidney thought about it. He didn't have anywhere to be the next day, and since Geno had started talking to him at the bar, the cold, empty feeling that had been bothering him so much earlier was now barely noticeable. He wasn't usually comfortable with such spontaneous plans, but when he thought about going back to his own house alone..."Yeah, ok," he said with a shrug.Geno smiled. "Здорово," he said.





	Hold Me and Never Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this ages ago when I was feeling really shitty, and it helped me through a lot, so I kinda wanted to share it. I chose not to translate most of the Russian bits because there really aren’t many in there and the meanings aren’t really that important to understanding the story. I can...possibly find a way to add a glossary if necessary. I hope you like it!

—_/.\\_—

Sid knew the feeling well. That empty, longing feeling, like a cold, dark hole left in his chest where it felt like something was missing. It was a frustrating feeling, especially to have it now, after they had just won the game that moved them on to the next round of the playoffs. There was no reason for such a feeling to be there. But while he sat at the bar, watching his teammates laughing and talking as the hour neared midnight, the feeling had slowly grown in his chest like a bloodstain growing in the clothing over an open wound. And the more it grew, the less he wanted to socialise.

The lights were blinding and the music almost deafening, and while most of his teammates had obviously had more than one drink, Sidney was still nursing his first beer. Thankfully, nobody had seemed to notice, or if they had, nobody was chirping him for it. He was startled from his thoughts when Geno let out a very loud laugh at something Flower said.

“You crazy, Flower!” Geno laughed.

“Not as crazy as you, G,” Flower retorted, smiling at his teammate before taking another drink.

Sidney had been too lost in his thoughts to hear the conversation, but he smiled and shook his head anyway, looking down into his beer. He felt someone nudge his arm, and looked up to see Geno looking back at him.

“Sid, you ok? You so quiet all night.”

“Yeah, I’m alright,” Sidney lied, ignoring the twinge in his chest when he’d said it. “Just a little tired,” he added in an attempt to make it a little more believable.

Geno didn’t look like he bought it, but he nodded and said, “Ok…” Then a lopsided grin spread over his face and he nudged Sidney’s arm again. 

“Hey, your goal tonight — best in whole season, Sid! Beautiful goal! I know I’m already say that, but is true!”

Sidney smiled a little at Geno’s excited expression. It was clear by his enthusiasm that he truly meant it.

“Thanks, Geno.” 

Geno glanced back at Flower before scooting his chair a little closer to Sidney, leaning in a bit. 

“Hey, you sure you ok? Look like you feel…little bit sad?” He said in a low voice, his eyebrows knitting into a worried expression. Sidney opened his mouth to say something, but he hesitated, so Geno continued.

“Why you feel sad?” He nudged him. “We win!”

Sidney started to deny everything, but Geno looked so concerned…

Sidney sighed.

“I’m…not feeling sad, Geno, just a little…” He shrugged a shoulder, looking for the right word. He knew he should be honest with Geno, even if he didn’t truly understand. “Well…I feel a little empty, I guess.”

“Empty?” Geno repeated flatly, tilting his head a bit like he was confused at the context. 

Sidney bit his lip and looked into his beer. He didn’t really want to explain it. Hell, he wasn’t even sure he _could_ explain it.

“Just…feeling like something’s missing from my life, that’s all,” he said, looking up at Geno. “Don’t worry. It’ll pass.”

He wasn’t sure if he had said that last part to satisfy Geno or to convince himself. 

“Ok…” But Geno still didn’t look convinced. He put a warm hand on Sidney’s shoulder. “If you need anything, you tell me, ok?”

Sidney nodded. “Yeah, ok.” He wasn’t sure it was a promise he could keep.

Thankfully, the warmth of Geno’s hand had seemed to melt away some of that cold, empty feeling almost instantly. Geno patted his shoulder and brought his hand back to his drink, but he didn’t scoot away like Sidney had expected him to. Still, it didn’t take Sid long to figure out that he missed the warmth of Geno’s hand on his shoulder. 

Sidney cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably in his chair a little bit. Maybe he just needed a hug? But…that wouldn’t make sense. He’d been hugged by his entire team when they’d won the truly frustrating game 1-0 in overtime. Of course…the feeling hadn’t been there then. He had been too wound up, too excited by the win to notice it. The feeling had started some time after the guys had all settled at the bar, most of them with their girlfriends, and… _oh_. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Sid noticed Geno scoot his chair even closer, his knee gently bumping up against Sid’s. The contact was surprisingly comforting, and Sidney found himself able to drink his beer and listen to Geno’s funny, rambling stories for a few more hours, even if he couldn’t really understand half of what Geno said (partially thanks to the language barrier, and partially thanks to the six beers and several shots that Geno’d had). 

—_/.\\_—

“Can I get you boys another?”

Sid and Geno both declined the bartender’s offer, Geno yawning loudly. 

“No, thank you…Too tired; I’m go home for tonight.”

Sidney laughed as Geno stood up, swaying slightly before steadying himself.

“Had a little too much, eh?”

“No no, not too much….” he paused, looking down at his feet. “Mm…Well…Maybe…you can drive me home?” Geno asked, holding his keys out to Sidney.

Sidney thought for a second, then took the keys. He’d somehow managed to avoid all the rounds of shots that his teammates had been doing, and he’d only had one beer, which he’d finished about an hour and a half ago. He should be good to drive.

Sidney unlocked the doors to Geno’s car when they’d gotten to the parking lot. Geno opened the passenger door and slumped in, laughing and mumbling something that Sidney couldn’t quite decipher. Sidney sat in the driver’s seat and started the car, flinching at the loud Russian club music that blasted through the speakers. He shook his head as he turned it off, then checked to see that Geno had his seatbelt on before turning out of the dimly-lit parking lot.

—_/.\\_—

“Sid?” came Geno’s voice from the passenger’s seat.

“Hmm?” Sidney hummed in response, glancing at Geno for a moment before going back to watching the road.

“Uh…I want…not be alone tonight, you know?” Geno said.

Sidney looked at him as he pulled to a stop at a red light.

“So…what? Need to call a 900-number? I wonder if they work at this time of the morning…”

Geno gave him a confused look.

“If you’re lonely,” Sid chirped with a smile, “I’m sure there’s a number out of a magazine you can call—”

Geno snorted out a laugh, interrupting Sidney.

“Oh! _Нет, нет_! No, I’m just think…” he paused, gathering his thoughts. “I’m think, maybe…you not want be alone either? Maybe you want…stay at my house tonight?”

Sidney glanced at Geno as he accelerated through the green light.

“…Do you want me to?”

“Sure…Yeah,” Geno nodded. “If you want. Just…I want someone else with me home.” He shrugged. “Don’t know why,” he added abruptly. “Maybe we watch movie. Maybe just sleep.”

Sidney thought about it. He didn’t have anywhere to be the next day, and since Geno had started talking to him at the bar, the cold, empty feeling that had been bothering him so much earlier was now barely noticeable. He wasn’t usually comfortable with such spontaneous plans, but when he thought about going back to his own house alone…

“Yeah, ok,” he said with a shrug.

Geno smiled. “ _Здорово_ ,” he said. Sidney had figured out over the few years he’d known Geno that the word meant something close to “great”, “awesome”, or maybe “perfect”.

—_/.\\_—

Sidney cursed as he tried to unlock Geno’s door with yet another key that just wouldn’t turn. He pulled it out and shuffled through the other ones he was semi-positive he hadn’t used yet.

“How come you have so many keys, eh?”

Geno leaned on the wall by the door and smiled.

“Big house, Sid. I’m need them for all my locks.”

Sidney rolled his eyes, but he had to admit, the way Geno had said it (as if it were the most obvious thing in the world), was a little funny.

“Ok, but I wish you’d label them or something, jeez.”

Geno just laughed at him.

Sidney was glad when the next key he tried actually worked. The door swung open, and as usual, Geno motioned for him to go first. Sidney shook his head and walked in, groping for the light-switch that he was half-sure was on the wall next to him. He found it and flipped on the lights as Geno shut and locked the door behind him.

“Maybe I should go get some clothes for tomorrow…” Sidney mused, half to himself, walking into the living room and eyeing the couch. It looked really inviting, so he sat down on it, suddenly realising just how exhausted he was. He sighed as he laid his head back, listening to the sounds of Geno getting some water from the kitchen. He was just going to close his eyes for a second…

“Hey Sid, I’m just thinking…you know, you can borro—”

Geno stopped short when he walked into his living room, two glasses of water in his hands. He couldn’t help smiling at the sight of his best friend snoring softly on his couch. Geno knew he shouldn’t stare, but…he took a second just to look at him. Sidney’s lips were parted slightly, and the gel in his hair caught the dim light in the living room in little shimmers that changed and danced with each slow breath. He looked so peaceful; not at all restless and uncomfortable like he had earlier that night.

Geno thought for a moment. He didn’t want to disturb Sid, but he knew from experience that sleeping on his couch, especially in the position Sid was currently in, was not the best thing for one’s neck. He set the glasses of water down on the coffee table and tried to figure out the best way to wake Sid up. He opened his mouth to say something, but he hesitated. He didn’t really want to wake Sid, not while he looked so content. Maybe he could carry him to the guest room? He was still a little buzzed, but he figured he’d at least try it. Geno furrowed his brows in concentration as he stepped forward and put a knee on the couch, wrapping his arms behind his best friend.

Sidney stirred a little and Geno froze, sighing in relief when Sid’s eyes remained closed. Geno strained to pick him up—being a professional athlete, Sid was not a lightweight guy (Besides, Geno’d had more than a little to drink, so he wasn’t exactly trying the best lifting positions). Geno gave up for a second, pulling his arms out from behind Sidney and scratching the back of his head, trying to figure out where he should put his arms.

Sidney slowly became vaguely aware of a warmth next to him and blearily opened his eyes. Geno had his arms under him and was trying to pick him up. Sidney couldn’t stop himself from huffing out a breathy laugh.

“Geno, what are you doing?” he said, his voice a little rough from how tired he was. 

Geno couldn’t help laughing back, sounding nervous. He had a flush on his face, probably from the alcohol; nevertheless, he almost looked like he’d gotten caught doing something sneaky.

“Hah, sorry, Sid…you look like…you sleep so nice, but…sleep like this in couch…not so, uh…good for the neck.”

“Oh, ok…”

Sidney expected Geno to let go of him now that he knew he was awake, but Geno’s arms were still wrapped around him; he’d only pulled back slightly so he could look at him.

“I’m uh, I’m try…carry you, but, uh…is little bit harder than I think.”

Sidney laughed again. “It’s ok, I can walk.”

He sat up straighter, causing Geno to let go of him and step back. Sidney suddenly felt a twinge of disappointment at the loss of contact. The intensity of the feeling surprised him, actually, and it must have shown on his face, because Geno was suddenly right back next to him, resting a warm hand on his shoulder.

“Sid, you sure you’re feel ok?”

“Yeah, Geno, I’m fine,” he said, giving Geno a confused look, trying to put the intensity of the feeling out of his mind.

“Ok. Sorry…you just look like…maybe you have some pain?” Geno said, his eyes searching Sidney’s.

“It’s ok. I’m ok,” Sid said, giving Geno’s shoulder a pat. 

Geno nodded and looked off to the side. “Ok.  
It’s just…I’m think, maybe, that…hit in second period look…little bit bad?”

“Which—ah, I forgot about that…” Sidney said, suddenly remembering getting slammed into the boards during a particularly infuriating defensive play. He knew he’d have a bruise from that tomorrow, if he didn’t already.

“It’s ok, Geno. I mean…I’ll probably feel that in the morning, but…it doesn’t hurt right now.”

“Okay…” Geno said, looking unconvinced.

Sidney stood up, yawning. He looked down at Geno, who was sitting on the couch right next to where he had just been. Geno was staring off into space like he was thinking hard about something. Sidney furrowed his brows.

“How about you, G? You feeling ok?”

“Yeah…” Geno said, still sounding unsure.

Sidney smiled fondly at his best friend.

“Need some help up?”

Geno laughed softly before shaking his head and standing up. “No, is ok.”

He was still a little unsteady, but not enough that he couldn’t walk in a somewhat straight line if you asked him  
to.

“You want water? I’m get some for you,” Geno said, gesturing at the cups on the coffee table.

“Oh. Thanks, G,” Sidney said, picking up one of the cups. He took a drink of his water and turned to walk towards the hallway.

Geno took a deep breath.

“…Sid?”

He almost hadn’t heard it, it had been so soft and low. Sidney looked back over his shoulder at Geno, who was looking down at the rug with a confused expression on his face. Sidney turned back to face his friend.

“What is it, Geno?”

“Before—you say how…you feel empty?”

“Yeah…?” Sidney said. He was actually surprised Geno remembered what he’d said.

“Then you say is, like…something missing.” Geno looked at him. “What missing? I’m see how it hurt you. I’m know it’s not hit that hurts you.”

Sidney hesitated. He honestly didn’t know what to say. He looked at Geno’s concerned expression, wondering what had made Geno pay such close attention to him. Had one of the guys put him up to it? Or was he just being very observant tonight despite the number of drinks he’d consumed?

“I don’t…I don’t know what’s missing, Geno. That’s the problem. If I knew what it was, I’d probably already have it taken care of.”

It wasn’t entirely true. After everything that had happened that night, he had an idea of what he wanted, but it was easier not to admit it, even to himself.

Geno nodded, looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. Then he looked up like he was trying to figure out how to say something, but he couldn’t find the right words. 

“Sid, you…ah… _мм—блин…как сказать_ …” He sighed, looking down and muttering in Russian. “Maybe you think…is like…something…you not…ugh…” He trailed off, looking frustrated. “Don’t know how to say…”

“Geno, it’s ok, you don’t hav—”

“Is like you not…have what you need?” Geno said, cutting him off.

Sidney nodded. He could admit to that, though Geno still didn’t look like he was satisfied with the words he chose.

Geno stepped closer to him. “What you need, Sid? I can maybe help you?”

Under any other circumstances and with any other person, Sidney might have stepped back; kept his distance. But this was Geno. Sid felt as comfortable with less space between him and his best friend now as he had at the bar.

“It’s not…a tangible thing I can just go out and buy, Geno…” Sidney said, putting down his glass and feeling heat rush to his cheeks like he was embarrassed to admit that much.

“You need like, uh…emotion?” Geno asked, still looking like he wasn’t quite satisfied with the words he was using. “Like…missing… _мать его, как это сказать_ …uh, like…feeling?”

Sidney looked like he was searching for something in a rarely-used corner of his mind. He put a hand to his chest.

“More like…warmth?” 

Sidney paused, then shook his head and dropped his hand. 

“No, that’s…No. Never mind. It’s stupid.” Now he couldn’t find the right words, and he felt too tired to try to understand it any more than he was getting at now.

He was about to turn around, but Geno stepped closer. 

“Like…like warm…here?” Geno reached out and touched Sidney’s chest where his own hand had been a second ago.

A warmth washed over Sidney that was refreshing like a nice hot shower after a difficult game. He looked down at Geno’s hand. Yes. That was it. The words they were using couldn’t truly describe it, but somehow, Geno had still figured out what he meant. 

Sidney suddenly wanted to touch Geno’s hand, but he hesitated, his fingers twitching at his side. He had no idea how Geno might interpret that…hell, Sid didn’t even know what it would mean to him.

Geno moved his hand to Sidney’s shoulder and cautiously inched another half-step closer. His eyes never left Sidney’s face, like he was watching to see if what he was doing was ok.

“Maybe you let me…help you…ah…” He paused, glancing down and furrowing his brows for a second before looking back up at Sid. “Stay…warm?”

Sidney didn’t know what to say. What did that mean? Deep down, he knew what he wanted it to mean…but he was scared to admit it.

“Geno…” 

Geno tentatively put his other hand on Sid’s other shoulder, watching Sidney’s reactions like a hawk. Sidney was looking down at Geno’s right hand, but made no attempt to pull away. His heart was racing so fast, it was like it was reliving the last twenty seconds of OT in their game that night. Sid wondered what Geno was going to do. The anticipation was almost unbearable, but it was kind of exciting not being able to predict Geno’s actions the way he could during a game. Geno seemed to be hesitating, unsure himself about what he was doing. Finally, he slid his hands down Sid’s arms and gently pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly. Sidney was surprised, but he allowed himself to relax. He let his eyes slip shut and leaned into Geno, wrapping his arms around him and just hanging on.

Sidney couldn’t stop himself from sighing. It felt so good to hug someone. Tension that had been building up over the course of the day seemed to melt away from his shoulders and he finally allowed himself to fully relax. Geno was like a cornerstone, simultaneously supporting him and anchoring him to the ground. Sidney didn’t want to let go. Geno seemed to understand that, because he kept hugging him, even as minute after minute passed. Sidney was so content that he felt like he might fall asleep if they stayed like that much longer. 

“Geno…we should…really go to sleep…” Sidney said, muffled against his best friend’s shoulder, unable to keep his reluctance to move from seeping into his voice.

“Yeah…” Geno sighed. His breath was warm against Sidney’s neck, sending a tinging sensation down his spine. 

“…Carry me?” Geno mumbled into Sidney’s hair, followed by a light, breathy laugh.

Sidney laughed too. “No, I know you can walk. Besides, I can’t carry you. You’re too tall.”

Geno made a sound like a low whine, then laughed and reluctantly pulled away from Sidney. Sidney felt that intense disappointment again, but it was dulled this time by the fact that Geno’d let one of his hands linger on Sidney’s arm.

“Uh…Sid…” Geno hesitated, licking his lip and looking down at his own hand. The flush on his face, which Sidney had first attributed to the alcohol, seemed worse now. Sidney wondered if he had been wrong about what had caused it. Something fluttered in his chest, but he did his best to ignore it.

Geno looked like he was searching for words again, but this time, he looked more nervous than frustrated.

“Um. You—uh…m-maybe you don’t want…sleep in guest room tonight?” Geno scratched the back of his neck with his other hand and avoided Sidney’s eyes. Geno didn’t say anything else, but his unspoken question was so clear, he didn’t have to.

Sidney blinked at Geno. His heart felt like it was about to beat out of his chest, and his thoughts were scrambling in all different directions, like there were too many pucks on the ice and his thoughts were chaotically crashing into each other trying to chase them down. He wanted Geno to look at him, but Geno was still avoiding his eyes.

Sidney knew he would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t want to sleep next to Geno. He absolutely wanted to. He wanted to fall asleep, feeling safe, feeling warm; his body pressed up against Geno’s. But should he act on it? He’d been taught his whole life that it was weird to want that from your best friend. Especially from your best _male_ friend. But he was tired and that cold, empty feeling in his chest kept urging him to seek out the warmth that Geno had been continuously showing him that night.

Geno seemed to take Sidney’s silence as reluctance and let his hand drop away from Sidney’s arm.

“I-if you don’t want…sleep in my bed, is fine, I just…” Geno said, looking at the floor, his face thoroughly red. Geno was blushing so intensely, Sidney could almost feel the heat radiating off of him. 

“I’m just thinking…you know…if you want…” Geno continued, licking his lower lip again, “Maybe…I can help…uh, but if…you know, if…you don’t want t—”

“Geno…I don’t want to sleep in the guest room,” Sidney said, putting a hand on Geno’s shoulder to get his attention.

Geno was quiet for a minute as he processed what Sid had said. Then he looked up, surprised, raising his eyebrows at Sidney. Sidney couldn’t stop himself from smiling. Geno sorta half-smiled back, still looking surprised.

Geno’s face was so expressive. So easy to read. So…familiar. Sid couldn’t think of a single friend in the entire state of Pennsylvania that he was more comfortable with. He nodded towards the hallway and started walking towards the bedrooms. Geno blinked, standing frozen in place for a second before following his best friend down the hall, still smiling slightly.

—_/.\\_—

Sid took off his button-down shirt, not bothering to take off his undershirt, then took off his belt and pants, leaving them in an, albeit neat, heap on the floor (he’d been unable to resist neatly folding his pants). He sighed as he finally laid down, back flat on the bed. He really was exhausted and he still felt a little off, but it was different now. It didn’t feel like there was a gaping hole in his chest anymore. Things seemed a little more peaceful—a little more balanced.

Sidney felt the bed dip down as Geno got in next to him. Geno scooted a little closer to Sid and placed a tentative arm around him, slowly curling into his side. Geno rested his chin on Sid’s shoulder, and his breathing tickled Sidney’s neck.

“Geno…” Sidney whispered.

Geno made a questioning sound next to him.

Sidney slowly turned onto his side, pressing his back up against Geno. Geno made a contented sound behind him and tightened his arm around Sidney’s waist, curling into him more. 

They both sighed, and that same warm feeling washed over Sidney. 

This. This is exactly what he wanted. He felt safe and content, and most importantly (and perhaps most surprisingly), he felt whole. There in his best friend’s arms, where he had been told that he should never seek comfort, Sidney fell asleep, feeling more comfortable than he had in a long time.

—_/.\\_—

A slice of sunlight that jutted out from the window made Sid stir as it reached his eyes. He wrinkled his nose and turned away from the window. As he slowly became aware of his surroundings, he heard a light snore coming from the space next to him on the bed. He squinted over at the source, only to find himself smiling blearily at the sight of his best friend lying next to him with sleep-tousled hair. He looked so peaceful…almost childlike. Sid settled his head back into the pillow. It was nice waking up and not feeling so empty for a change. 

It all seemed far away to him now, the empty feeling and the cold that came along with it. He turned slightly to face Geno and let his eyes slip shut once more. It amazed him to think that Geno was the warmth he’d been looking for all this time.


End file.
